2 posts tagged “not a sahm”

There's something you should know about me. I hate IV's. I mean, I really hate them. They feel more invasive to me than a pap. Thankfully, things went fast enough with Isaac I never had to have one, I just had the hep-lock. Craptacularly invasive, but at least not invasive with a beeping ball and fluid filled chain. So naturally, as soon as I nursed Isaac and was pronounced free and clear of any rips, tears, or other stitch-requiring words you don't want to hear about your nether regions, I asked for the nurse to remove the hep-lock. She told me the rule was that it can't come out until I have proven that I can go to the bathroom. I'd peed not two hours before and had a very sweaty delivery since then without much time to drink anything, so I was probably a bit dehydrated, but I told her I'd muster up a few drops if it would get me off those nasty soaked sheets and get the damned hep-lock out of my arm. She said "Oh, yeah, most people are still numb and can't feel the sheets! I forgot you can feel everything!" So we waddled (or rather I waddled and she strolled) to the bathroom for my few drops of blood out of the proverbial turnip, then promptly returned to a REAL bed to have my hep-lock removed. Isaac was in the nursery getting his bath and medical stuff done, and I took just a moment to relive the amazing hour leading up to his birth. Thank goodness my doctor did the AROM. Thank goodness he had no meconium. I miss Dora. I'm ready to go home now.

Unfortunately, due to hospital rules I was stuck there about 36 more hours, but my mom brought Dora up the next morning and we spent the whole day together in my hospital room getting to know Isaac. I never thought a person could have too many friends, but we had so many people stop by to see us that day I was begining to question that sentiment.

Now we're living life with a squooshy baby and a 2 year old, and let me tell you, we don't get bored. I went back to work full time when Isaac was about 6 weeks old, and even though I wish I could cut back to part-time and stay with my kids more, there is just no way for that to happen right now. And so I have two miracles, a great babysitter, and a great appreciation for my time with them. That's not too shabby.

I've been thinking for a while now that I wish I had someone who really understood to talk with about this FEELING. The feeling (Guilt? Not quite.) of leaving my child with a babysitter every day for 10 hours. I know I would not be a mentally healthy person without a job. A challenging job in my field that I really LIKE, by the way. I know our family's financial stability would suffer if I did not have a job. Still, the "I'm not letting someone else raise my child." comments get to me. Anyway, I think I maybe found someone to talk to about this, only now I need to work up the nerve to see if she'll fly across the country to have a drink with me. Anyway, framed in the context of wishing she had friends in similar circumstances as she and her husband, read what hola, isabel has to say. Pay attention especially to the paragraph about what her day is like, and the paragraph after that about some people not being cut out to be a SAHM.  Because that's what I'm trying to talk about here. Only she does it much better than me.